The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
