Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
