Only a mothe r could love this liver
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
