im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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