haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
