She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
