I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
