This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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