So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The adults are the big ones right?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
