Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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