I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
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I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
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High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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