Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
