Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
