What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
