he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
