I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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