I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
