Pants 0. Shit 1.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
