you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
So squirting runs in the family.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
