I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
