I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
