Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
