i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
what is it with giant penises always finding me
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
