I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
two words...techno handjob
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
