all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
