I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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