my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
