He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
