Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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