it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
