1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
