wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
