WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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