I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
