Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just found a bag of teeth...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Randomize
