she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize