she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
