i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
