STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he shaved USA in his pubs
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You may now shotgun with the bride
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
