is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
