I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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