Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
