like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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