We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
