would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
i believe in u and ur pee
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