I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
