Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
