I want to make a zoo with you.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
