i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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