We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
