her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
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