I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
