the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
