Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
