my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
