I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
