He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
