Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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