My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
