you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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