it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
