he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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