he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
